少年成長 今日: 3 | 主題: 15864

積分: 3367

41^#

發表於 06-2-6 17:50 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

Gitmee及其他媽媽:

這些事已困擾了我很久, 但都沒辦法解決. 兒子3.3 years　ｏｌｄ，　乖的時候，　好有自信，幾有禮貌的．　但邁到以下情況就好惡，沒禮貌（態度及語氣差），發脾氣：

（１）唔小心整痛佢
（２）反對佢
（３）在學校其他小朋友坐了他的位

當佢這樣的時候，我都會要佢唔好咁惡，發脾氣，態度唔好咁差，　因為好小事．　如在（１）的情況下，　我都會同佢ｓａｙ　ｓｏｒｒｙ說媽媽無心家．但佢的態度都係好惡，　還說，　ｓｏｒｒｙ沒用的．．

我已常常提醒佢，唔好惡及發脾氣．．．佢明白，　乖的時候還說，“係好事，　小事變無事”，　但一邁到以上情況，　就唔記得．．．哎，　我唔知可以怎教佢好．

請賜教！

[url=

]Lilypie.com[/url]

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積分: 319

42^#

發表於 06-2-6 18:16 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

Here’s what we did when our son was about 1.5 years old.

When he tried to get near the electric fan, we told him not to. When he did, we grabbed his hand and it hard, then we got down to his body height, got his eye contact and said ‘dangerous’. When he did it again, we repeated the same process. If he asked why, we explained.

He did cry the first few times he was hit on his hand but we never let him get away with it. That means he could never go unpunished after he touched the fan. We shouted at him only when he got very close to danger. But we never lost temper in his presence.

When he was insistent in his wrongdoings, we ignored him. We went about our business as usual until he said sorry. We got weak at times and let the moment pass but we always finally in return got the consequence of his insistence of his wrongdoings next time he did it. So, we never let him go unpunished. No matter it is slapping his hand, ignoring him for 15 mins, holding him very tight for 2 minutes, or as simple as saying sorry. Every time, he does something wrong, we tell him it’s a mistake, then he will say sorry. If it’s a minor accident, he’ll ask , ‘Mama, have I done something wrong?’

There were times when he was approaching 2 he liked hitting people. We told him he could hit pillows, sofas, bed sheets and so on but never people. Even when he was angry and he raised his hand, about to hit people, we stopped him by an angry look, and always the 3 slaps on his hand. When we were playing and having fun and he suddenly lost control, hitting anyone, he had to apologize immediately, saying sorry by looking at the person he hit. We made sure there was no one case of exception. He now doesn’t have this habit. And we get confirmation from his teachers.

Our methods can be summarized as follows:
1. Punishment, no losing our temper
2. short and clear message
3. hitting his hand for serious mistakes
4. ignoring him if he doesn’t say sorry for his wrongdoings
5. make use of every possible and timely moment to do reflection for him, so he might get used to thinking back, having the chance to talk about himself, good or bad

Our son is now 4 and he’s in good shape, we think. And I hope all these may help.

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kenngkk

積分: 378

43^#

發表於 06-2-6 19:05 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

gitmee 寫道:
Sue^_^ ：

我覺得你仔仔好醒呀！我老公細個同我仔仔一樣，都是不喜歡唱歌給大人聽的。根據我老公分析，他們會認為：點解要我唱歌娛樂你班大人（雖然大人未必是這樣想），我已經唱了一次啦，你既已糾正了我的錯處，為什麼要我再唱呢？

假如換了是我，明知他是故意（真有幽默感），我便會跟他一起唱錯，還要錯得更離譜，大家嘻嘻哈哈便唱完首歌，不知幾好。到底仔仔唱對歌詞重要些，還是與父母一起開開心心重要些？

你硬要你仔仔唱歌，因為他不唱而罰企，爸爸還打他，我覺得他很可憐啊！到底他唱歌給你們聽，對他有甚麼好處呢？我明白父母很喜歡聽孩子唱歌，但他不想唱，為何要迫他呢？

這次你們的處理方法，可能會令小朋友覺得：我唱歌 daddy mummy 就錫我，唔唱就唔錫。假如你仔仔因為咁而就範，我覺得好悲哀！

不好意思，長篇大論，我希望你明白我說什麼。

我都好認同你講法,我亦有試過女女扭計"哝咬呀呀扭計聲"我就有樣學樣咁更挎張個佢,佢故意講錯,我就講得更錯,當佢發現我講錯了佢反而會去提我講錯.......其實小朋友同大人一樣要認叻,我覺得有時要比佢從錯中發掘正確,總比鬧佢罰佢來得正面及收效.而且大家亦開開心心,增加父女感情...
當然我亦會有女女唔聽教勞氣的時候,當我說話大聲點或一裝angry樣時,女女除即提我"爸爸唔好咁大聲鬧女女,爸爸咁好唔開心唔好angry",佢就知做了很錯的事(當然要同太太做戲一個嬲一個同女溝通),咁女女自自然然就可變好聽教聽話...

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積分: 34919

44^#

發表於 06-2-6 23:04 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

[quote]
gitmee 寫道:
JonasMaMa：

可否具體一點，說說你囝囝實際上做了甚麼“錯事”，因為不同情況有不同處理方法。

舉例說：小朋友很喜歡近距離看電視，我發覺叫他們“唔好企咁埋”，效果欠佳，反而叫他們“企遠D”或者“坐過來梳化呢邊”，效果比較理想。原因是直接的訊息較易被小朋友接收和明白，“唔好．．．”會令他們腦裡出現一個疑問：“唔好咁樣，可以點樣？”倒不如直接告訴他應該做甚麼。

我始終認為打

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積分: 34919

45^#

發表於 06-2-6 23:18 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

cwcw,

睇完你詳盡既解法, 我諗我自己缺少既就係repeat & repeat 咁去比囝仔知佢既問題. 不過我有一個困難, 我囝仔日間係由工人湊架, 夜晚我鬧佢既時候, 佢好多時都會走埋去工人到求救, 有時我工人已經醒目入房, 不過囝仔知佢入左房, 就喺房門口喊, 我地唔理佢, 佢試過訓喺地下喊, 仲試過將自己個額頭撞落地下添呀

我地一見到, 當然即刻抱起佢啦, 我咁樣做會唔會有問題呢

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Patbee

洋房

積分: 94

46^#

發表於 06-2-6 23:40 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

Thanks gitmee for advising.
呢幾日我盡量留意佢, 稍有發脾氣或打我扔

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Patbee

洋房

積分: 94

47^#

發表於 06-2-6 23:44 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

[quote]
JonasMaMa 寫道:
[quote]
cway 寫道:
cwcw,

睇完你詳盡既解法, 我諗我自己缺少既就係repeat & repeat 咁去比囝仔知佢既問題. 不過我有一個困難, 我囝仔日間係由工人湊架, 夜晚我鬧佢既時候, 佢好多時都會走埋去工人到求救, 有時我工人已經醒目入房, 不過囝仔知佢入左房, 就

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oliviapylo

積分: 3573

48^#

發表於 06-2-7 11:27 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

我個女每次做錯事我都要佢罰企呀! 罰完先同佢講點解要咁做, 下次記得唔好啦! 再錯再罰.

私人傳訊

積分: 34919

49^#

發表於 06-2-7 14:36 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

JonasMaMa 寫道:

My son is 18 months old only, he is unable to speak, seems he doesn't know what is 罰企, 典算呀 :-(

JonasMaMa,
我地囝仔一樣大, 我諗就算佢地未識講野, 我地都重複又重複咁教佢地, 佢地遲早識既, 好似你教囝仔睇書咁, 佢都唔係day 1 就會坐喺度聽, right

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積分: 319

50^#

發表於 06-2-7 15:23 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

Repetition to us is the reinforcement of the message - he will be punished when he does something wrong.

We believe the message is much more important than the words or us posing as examples for him to follow and copy. So when even the domestic helper is punishing our BB, we never interfere. Even when we have conflicting views about BB's education, we still help each other out first by reinforcing the punishment and settle our disputes later when the BB is asleep. When BB's asking for help from his granny, his granny will help us by ignoring him or asking him to say sorry to whoever he has wronged.

I don't believe the BB will kill himself by banging his head on the wall. (To protect him, try the plastic floor mats and place them everywhere he can find a hard wall or floor). The message, which is very wrong, of banging his head against the wall is the worried parents and he will soon get what he wants. The BB is controlling the parents and not the other way round.

I remember when our baby was about 2, he once got his whole body on the floor, yelling and shouting, crawling like an animal, completely in opposite to the education we have given him - just a simple want: a very cheap toy car he saw in a cheap toy shop. The place where this happened was very near a wet market, extremely dirty.

My reaction was to pick him up so that he might not get sick from the dirtiness. But I ignored him and kept walking on, as if nothing had happened. My focus was the message - it's no use going naughty and no one would care and give him what he wants. After that, he never once got so naughty as to yell, crawl, cry in the public. He knew long time ago that once he does that, we will only walk away and he will, every single time, get his punishment. After punishment, no candy or whatever in th form of rewards for at least ONE day.

I don't quite remember when I last got angry with him but I think this insistence give us rewards - BB's reasonably good behaviour.

My experience about BB's age and the time when he couldn't even speak is like this - when the message is right and consistent, BBs undersatnd. I started hitting his hand (extremely gently) when he tried to get near an electric fan when he was less than 1 year old.

Hope it helps.

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積分: 34919

51^#

發表於 06-2-7 16:19 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

cwcw,

i understand what you mean,

your words of "message is right and consistent", i really need much hard work

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laiki

用戶要求終止服務

積分: 10694

52^#

發表於 06-2-10 00:46 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

我都係教仔教到好激氣,一朝早我聽到我個仔去廁所,去完唔著褲,我叫佢著番,講左超個十次,我見佢著著下又除返冇著,佢講野好叻既雖然只得2.5歲,後尾我話再唔著就打佢一樣係唔著,我叫佢拿條褲俾我,原來under同條褲都濕左,但係佢唔話俾我聽,跟住我就打佢,跟住話俾佢知下次要講.

話口未完,佢開雪櫃成盒奶倒左落地,之前日日都話佢叫佢唔好攪,佢偏唔聽,佢想飲就拿,我個仔根本就係唔打唔得,所以我十分唔認同唔可以打仔,不過要適可而止

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oliviapylo

積分: 3573

53^#

發表於 06-2-10 10:11 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

JonasMaMa

唔好以為個仔唔識呀, 其實佢哋好多嘢都知點解, 唔識講唔等於唔識聽. 你要比佢意識到罰企係唔可以玩, 唔可以郁, 第一次唔知, 第二次都會知係被罰呀! 當然要解釋比佢聽佢做錯啲乜先會被你罰啦!

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積分: 319

54^#

發表於 06-2-10 10:14 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

laiki,

你個仔好慘，連想o係 home environment 觀察o下o黎學習ge 機會都冇埋。

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oliviapylo

積分: 3573

55^#

發表於 06-2-10 10:47 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

laiki

我個女都好為食, 佢好細個未識講嘢就會自己去搵嘢食, 我媽咪已經將啲食物放係兩個LOCK AND LOCK盒處, 佢都可以開到, 我哋教佢要食就話比我哋聽, 因為唔係樣樣嘢都可以食呀, 不過佢問我哋之後, 我哋都會比佢自己去攞.

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Patbee

洋房

積分: 94

56^#

發表於 06-2-10 16:01 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

cwcw 寫道:
Repetition to us is the reinforcement of the message - he will be punished when he does something wrong.

We believe the message is much more important than the words or us posing as examples for him to follow and copy. So when even the domestic helper is punishing our BB, we never interfere. Even when we have conflicting views about BB's education, we still help each other out first by reinforcing the punishment and settle our disputes later when the BB is asleep. When BB's asking for help from his granny, his granny will help us by ignoring him or asking him to say sorry to whoever he has wronged.

I don't believe the BB will kill himself by banging his head on the wall. (To protect him, try the plastic floor mats and place them everywhere he can find a hard wall or floor). The message, which is very wrong, of banging his head against the wall is the worried parents and he will soon get what he wants. The BB is controlling the parents and not the other way round.

I remember when our baby was about 2, he once got his whole body on the floor, yelling and shouting, crawling like an animal, completely in opposite to the education we have given him - just a simple want: a very cheap toy car he saw in a cheap toy shop. The place where this happened was very near a wet market, extremely dirty.

My reaction was to pick him up so that he might not get sick from the dirtiness. But I ignored him and kept walking on, as if nothing had happened. My focus was the message - it's no use going naughty and no one would care and give him what he wants. After that, he never once got so naughty as to yell, crawl, cry in the public. He knew long time ago that once he does that, we will only walk away and he will, every single time, get his punishment. After punishment, no candy or whatever in th form of rewards for at least ONE day.

I don't quite remember when I last got angry with him but I think this insistence give us rewards - BB's reasonably good behaviour.

My experience about BB's age and the time when he couldn't even speak is like this - when the message is right and consistent, BBs undersatnd. I started hitting his hand (extremely gently) when he tried to get near an electric fan when he was less than 1 year old.

Hope it helps.

I do ignore him when he is crawling or yelling on the street. But now I started to tell him and explain to him more after he had done something wrong. But he has a big temper and he always hit himself when he's expressing temper. I just ignore him since I think he should know it's hurt and pain. If I stop him when he's throwing things, he'd shouting, hit his head, then sometimes hit me. Then I speak to him firmly "can not!" then he'll cry and want me to hug him. But now uauslly I'll explain to him and tell him gentlely why he can't throw things then I made him to clean up and put it back with me then I'll hug him back. Now I always correct what he'd done wrong so that's why usually crys all day. (coz I can't spoil him anymore and should teach him from now!)

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積分: 319

57^#

發表於 06-2-10 17:06 |只看該作者

Re: 教仔教到好激氣!

Pat bee,

I just read my own diary when my baby was a bit less than 2. Comparing what he did then and what he does (4 years old) now, I am very pleased he has made such progress.

Back then, we ignored him persistently whenever he cried and went crazy. Our message then and now is still the same - it's no use going crazy and what he finally gets is always punishment. And we never lose out temper dealing with his craziness. We do not say anything while he's being carzy. That action of ignoring is absolute, excluding measures that are taken to assure his safety.

For example, while he's being crazy, moving to the edge of the window place (窗台) about to fall down, we move him like a piece of furniture from the window place to the sofa or the plastic floor mats, not giving him any response or even a look in his eyes. The message is - it's no use going carzy.

I once read from an educationist that children this age think the world is made for themselves. That's why we focus on this message - the world is not made for him.

Looking back, it's a very difficult period for us, but so far we have made it. As a parent, I am confident that I have at least done something to control his temper and given him some quality home education.

Hope all these don't sound like I am bragging. Just hope it will help.

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